Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
