On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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