Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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