You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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