just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She said her name was "party"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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