I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i out mim tonsoeep
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
