Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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