I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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