We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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