im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
