I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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