Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
