i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
