how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
