Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
