Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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