Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
