My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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