last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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