Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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