I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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