Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize