My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
