i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
And then he peed in my hair
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