Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ttyl tear gas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
