This is not my ceiling
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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