my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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