I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i now understand why vodka
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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