She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
