So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
