Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My bed smells like the plague
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
