I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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