She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
