she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
