its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
