The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
