The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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