I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize