Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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