It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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