All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
