Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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