I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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