Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
