I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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