They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
MIDGETS
????
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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