hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize