I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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