K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
