I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
