WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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