I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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