And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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