what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
my liver is dry heaving
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
