I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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