bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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