There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
