so that wasnt chicken after all
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
