you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
