Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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