The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
