hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
