Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
