I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
