Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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