This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
