There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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