Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
