I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
