there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize