its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
