God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
