I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
