i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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