Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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