I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
