listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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