so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
