It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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