I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
